Ann Antidote

September 2020

My work, takes many expressions and methods, as many as my interests, and dwells in the objectives and methods of DIY, accessibility (of resources, knowledge, power and with those, also art/stuff*) and all the things related, inside and around queer, mostly in collaboration. Writing is not one of them. Maybe because or in spite of it this text got long and personal.

First time I came to KuBa I was captivated by the work of Nana Sawada and Elliott Haigh and their assertive considerations about what creating a home and being at home in deep ecology could mean, beyond sedentarian normativity. They motivated me to go continue to implement frugalism and made me want to come back to KuBa. KuBa is a living thing developed by Cheb and Sharon, reflecting their gentleness and attention, their integration of accidents, their extensive and varied world. Finally Collin Ginks, with whom my path crosses many times, was also in KuBa and imprinted it explicitly with queer expression as a strong and unavoidable artistic truth. More presences, including the forest animals, the stars, the trains, or the neighbors from Klein Warnow, were on my mind during my time here. Thanks to all.

The process/es
I came to my stay in KuBa with a lot of questions about the meaning of home, stability, mental health, coming of age, relationships, the uncertainty of future and existence. I was also frequently haunted by what it means to create more content in a time during a pandemic with an inflation of content creation (specially electronic) together with the collapse of conventional exhibition platforms: A lot of unseen work, senescing forgotten in hard drives, canvas, shelves, and the unavoidable ideas of clutter and ecological footprint, their messages and warnings lost. I chose pragmatically as project something opposite to those worries – the film “Bondage, an out of body experience” – a light and celebratory body-positive moment experimenting with a different gaze on non-mainstream eroticism.

raw footage of „Bondage, an out of body experience“

I decided to continue my daily music routine, almost a side-note of the main project, and fortunately an easy task for me as discipline is one of my best friends. And finally, I was dogged by the idea if I should just let serendipity happen and see what comes from fasting on productivity: what ideas come when one basically takes a damn break and embraces Degrowth. In fact I wish everybody would take a break. Now.

The results, and their lack thereof, or not
The film project sank in a mud of a hardware+software issues. It got clear in the last week that all the full-time editing work was in vain (note: I took a break and will retake it to be finished Dec 2020). I should have visited the deers more often. Not only it re-framed my stay in KuBa in being about acceptance but also getting to see that life is what happens when plans fail or when you don’t control things. This moment of deep frustration gave me the perspective to realize that a lot of subtle changes and processes happening in me, manifesting themselves in various non-palpable things: these changes influenced the music I tried to materialize in the two concerts I did with my partner LunÁrio, influenced the choice of certain sound samples from in and around KuBa or the learning to give them space to breath in our sound world, suddenly noticing also how interaction with public took new and intense meanings. I was also smiling at the lesson contained in that the constant and not so spectacular discipline of doing a little music daily ended up being the one being more fruitful. In any case all these changes also led to a personal learning process, one example being – with the support from Sharon – to overcome body-inscribed fears and walk and actually enjoy the forest at night, also on my own. In short, the processes led to a different matrix of thoughts and methods of which I am still learning the language, even if they are now my own.

Rehearsal for 26.Sept concert

This – immaterial but noticeable – change of methods and learning probably the most important project finished recently.